Yearning for an unrequited love, hiraeth.
A relationship that you never had on the very first place on this realistic world. Your lips tremble while naming that person, however, your mind wanders off to a different world of what could have been. It is a Sisyphean task of bringing back your attention to reality. You know that the longing was never necessary. The premise of this was falsely created by your imagination. Still, you chose not to involve anyone else in that world of yours and rejoice or suffer alone. Love does not anymore define its worth to you. You seek solace in never ending struggle to mend your broken heart.
Seeking a better place to live and look back to your homeland, hiraeth.
It is when you realize that what you had lost to gain whatever you have now and take them for granted. You realize that the emotional barriers that once you broke in order to achieve something, are coming back to your life and you start deviating from the goals you set for yourself. You feel homebound for a home that might be on ruins after you left. It is when you realize that your heart is much more evolved and complex than those migratory birds that you envied once and despised now.
Choosing a language to express yourself freely, when you feel that the one you don’t chose could soon be sidelined and lose its charm in your tongue, hiraeth.
When learning an alien language burdens the delicate mother tongue of yours, engrossed and alert reading cum learning of another language rekindles the mother tongue expressions to synchronize incoherent thoughts, you realize that one can never exist without another. It is when you have to think in an alien language just to increase your proficiency and you are afraid of losing the sweetness in your thoughts provoked by your mother tongue.
Looking at old friends slowly disappearing from your life and wish to get back to older days, hiraeth.
It is the time you realize that the destiny differs and the time has come to occasionally sink in bygone memories. Some of the times it was obvious to part, for the rest, either you, or your friends, made a choice to part your ways. The nostalgia remains. Subconscious generates far more blissful memories rather than social media pages where futile attempts were made to resuscitate the old happy times.
*Hiraeth: (Welsh word) (Noun) a homesickness for a home that you cannot return, a home which may never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.